| you fail, you try again -- i quit. |
[30 Mar 2005|08:23pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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hidden in plain view cd <33333 |
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i think i gave up because i wasnt needed anymore. =[[
=== and i think im being led on again. =(
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| emotion is a fucking understatement |
[27 Mar 2005|07:15pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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music |
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sam on phone ;; win a date with tad hamilton on t.v. |
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HaPpY eAsTeR ...
sorry i never pdate anymore.. ill try to do it more
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| we fall in love, we fall in love ;; it was the best idea i ever had |
[20 Mar 2005|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 im thinking, yes i think. =\ |
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music |
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postal service -- brand new colony |
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hey. i find myself changing the layout of this thing constantly.. but i like this one so i will leave it. so i went to alexs confirmation today. me in a church ;; the only thing i was thinking of was the excersist.. i know thats wrong but oh well. so my mom was a bitch with me [like normal] because i called my dad, asked for disney passes for easter, he said no so i asked for my bathing suit and he said yes. im getting something from him. erg something i dont get my mom. i dont think i fit in here. i wonna get out, go someplace. since 'someone' isnt online i emailed them telling them how i needed to get out and asked if they wanted to chill this week. im scared to chill with him caue i dont wonna disapoint him, and i dont want him to hurt me. next time i tralk to him i am gonna ask him who he likes, and then later in the convo im gonna ask him if he is gonna hurt me. =[ in church i swear they are going for a micheal jackson thing.. why else would they make the little kids stand in the front of the church? oh well. thats just what i think. okay i have to go, i will write more tomorrow.
NO ONE READS MY LIVEJOURNAL ANYMORE.. I WANT COMMENTS FROM EVERYONE WHO READS THIS SO I COULD DECIDE WHETHER THIS IS WORTHLESS OR NOT. <3
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| health is code for sex ed |
[19 Mar 2005|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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idk.. alexs music |
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hey i had this whole thing typed and the i pressed the 'delete' button and it got rid of all of what i typed. so im so confused && i feel so used. well i dont know i think i like someone else but im not sure.. i want to sneak out tonigth but i dont know if my friend is going. well im over alexs house and i might be joining a soccer team. okay well im on the phone so i will type more later.. bye
later x3
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| this loss is begining to hit me now |
[13 Mar 2005|01:14pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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scaning through the radio. |
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in the end why do i find myself being the only one who cares? everyone else forgets because its ''over'', you cant do anything about it, but i think different. i hate being the only person who cares, but i cant stop. with every fucking thing i do osmething wrong happens, and all of those things is begining to come to be now.. i hate fucking up my life. i had so much fun a month or two ago but now i dont, i only have this computer because i dont have any of my best friends. me and amy are supposed to hang out sometimes but idk when, but i dont see alex anymore, i cant see sam anymore [this makes me die inside].. some other people might get mad if i mention them so yeah. the sad part is my mom even told me she knew i was depressed. i wish i had a time machine where i can go back in time and fix everything. the only thing i would fix was the me and am situation. i love her, she is my best friend and now the reason i cry. yes sam, you are the reason i cry. i miss her, but i cant do fucking shit about it, so why try. i could give up hope or i can still try, but there is no point of trying if you cant do anything. i think that is why sam doesnt try, i know she begged her mom but then he realized her mom would continue to say no. well im fucking tired of crying, im fucking tired of dying inside, i miss my fucking best friend, and the sad part is no matter how tired i am of it.. i cant do jack shit about it.
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[08 Mar 2005|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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korn on t.v. |
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i hate myself, i hate what is happening to me, i let my emotions get to me.. i hate what i am becoming, i am a fading memory. just forget about me before you fade too.
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| my broken heart shall never mend |
[08 Mar 2005|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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idk, ill ponder this one. =/ |
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music |
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streetlight -- everything went numb |
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i think i am free all summer =[
</3
except when i go to florida which i can not wait for, this is taking forever.
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| it is 44* out.. * = degrees. bastards didnt give me the degrees sign |
[06 Mar 2005|03:51pm] |
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mood |
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oh so emo right now. |
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music |
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underoath in my head =[ |
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if you dont know what it is like ; being me, going what i go threw, having the heart ache, making the wishes i do ; then dont act like you know me.
what is wrong? nothing seems to be right lately.. it is me, nothing is wrong with everyone else, but it is me. i have done so much wrong and hurt so many people, but maybe it is in my imagination? i feel as if i shouldnt have told kyle what i did.. that it was a mistake.. he talked me out of thinking i felt the way i did but i still think about it.. last night i stayed up until 1 cause i was thinking about the me and sam situation.. i miss her. she is my best friend. have i gotten more naive? that i actually think people care about me.. i think it is my imagination again. i lead myself into thinking people actually care. i guess i was wrong. there is few here for me, even if i say i have loads of friends, even if i do that doesnt mean they care.. i have few in my school who do. i was thinking about what would i do if the world were to end tomorrow, kind of like donnie darko. i would get sam, alexa, and other.. high-jack a car, drive 120 on the highway to get kyle, go to point pleasant - nj., rob clothing stores, and watch the sunset.. that would be beautiful.. i give myself dreams that will never happen, plans that won happen until im much older. i hate being 13, im to young. but when im older im gonna wish i was younger. i hope i can go with alexa, there is soo much i need to do. i hope alexa goes though, she doesnt even know, i lead myself on in that. i wonna watch the stars, they shine best at night.. they shine for us.. as i sit in this room with these 4 walls, i wish for excitement, something fun.. but nothing i wait here, patiently for nothing. i would be lying if i told you i didnt regret anything. i regret everything.. but i learn from them. i dont get how i have friends, i am such a bitch to them, and i always make mistakes so when i do something drastic why dont they leave me? i would rather e a person who had no friends than be popular person, i would be free.. i wish i could fly, i wish someone can help me have my realistic dreams come true, but they are to outragious for anybody to help. i am beyond that. i wsh for the impossible, but that doesnt mean i am insane, know does it. i hate it when people cut themselves, it effects me in ways i never knew possible.. i hate it, and i hate liars.. why do people do that to me? why i the only question i can ask now. why...
comment and tell me what you think of the thoughts that i keep to myself..
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| i have a picture of you i carry around in my heart.. |
[04 Mar 2005|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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i can make a mess like nobodys buisness |
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my plans are nothing now.. great
its friday, if you wonna go to the mall with me tonight i-m me.. analyzed in bnw .. please!!
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r0kinnjlikewoah's journal
i dont know.. whatever